On the coming Thursday, 13th Shvat, it will be my father`s Yeurzeit, Eight Years.
In the last two years I didn't travel to Israel for it, and I had a memorial evening for him in London. One year I taught about Ethics of Beauty, and last year I had a frog auction and raised money for Chai.
This year it feels different, I don't need to do something to feel I take part. I am here, I will go to the cemetery on Friday.

In my family its a tradition to die and ruin a Jewish Festival - we had death on Sukkot, Chanuka, and eight years ago Tu Bishvat was part of the Shiva. This time of the year is hard for me. I started my job in the Jewish Agency two weeks after my father passed away, and this year I am starting a new job on the same day he died. As if he is watching, as if he is allowing me to make changes. Because that's what he was for me. Someone who believes in changing and growing. He taught me how to play chess, I was very angry one afternoon and he realized this kind of game might tame me.
He showed us to ask more from life, never let society decide for you. He loved Jazz when that was the worst thing a frum boy can do, He studied philosophy and although being a shy person he always said what he thought and believed in. He taught me philosophy. he showed us what pluralism means. He loved studying Torah - I remember him sitting with the Parashat Shavua or Talmud, with a cup of tea and studying. Or sitting in the study, reading or writing listening to Jazz.

He was a very healthy man, handsome. He was vegetarian, didn't eat much, never had junk food, ironically he suffered from Cancer in his stomach. He said it happened to him because he was to frustrated with many things, i guess I learnt a lesson from that too.

I used to dream about him, vivid tangible dreams, I haven't dreamt of him for awhile now. I assume I learnt how to live without him. Eight years ago I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I hope he is proud of me, of what I am doing. Of writing and teaching, and loving music and being kind to people. I assume he would liked to see me married by now, with few kids around to take care of, So would I.

So If you happen to read this piece to this point I thank you, If you want to do something in his memory, his name is David Chavkook ben Ester v Yehuda.